Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Hard Decision

Why is it so difficult for me to make a tough decision, a decision that will better me, no matter what I choose?  Both options are things I want/want to accomplish.  But why is it that I think I make a decision and then proceed to try and talk myself out of it?

You'd think I would be proud of myself and excited, but no.  I am scared out of my wits and the whirlwind of "what ifs" and hypotheses run rampant in my head constantly.  I can't get them to stop and because of them I question everything, I second guess everything.

Why can't I be brave enough to stand by a decision to better myself?  Why must I try and convince myself to stay where I'm at, to stay safe.  Safe is where I get bored and want change, but don't really want the action that comes with it.

I don't know how to make myself braver or more confident and I definitely don't know how to stop my brain from running in circles a million miles per hour.  I think I would give anything to change this trait in myself.  I frustrate myself by doing it, but yet it never ceases.

What is wrong with me?!  Dear Lord, help me for I know not what I do.

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