Buddies

Brothers will be brothers.  Sometimes they are going fight, sometimes they won't get along, sometimes they may not even like each other much.  But the desire I have for my boys is to be close, despite their differences, despite their fights, despite everything.  There are things that they will bound over that are like most siblings, but then there will be things that they will bond over that almost no one else can relate to.  This is why their relationship is so important to me.  This is why I emphasize the importance of being there for your brother no matter what.

Even now they fight a lot, push, yell, get frustrated, but they have also been playing a lot together.  They are becoming content being with each other and not needing me in the room.  Their friendship is blooming, and not just because they are brothers.  Atticus asked Eric who his best friend was the other night and then proceeded to tell him that Baxter was his best friend.

Heart officially melted.  I love my boys.

Lets Talk About Hair

I do not and will not claim to know much about doing black hair.  What I do know I have learned from other adoptive moms, nice women at the beauty supply house up the street, the boys' barber and Baxter's new hair stylist.  I am eager to learn yet am alright with having professionals take care of my boys' hair.  This is the reality of being a white mother of two black children (and a woman who can barely do her own hair most days).

It is a reality that Eric and I talked about before the boys ever came home; the importance of maintaining their hair, and the price tag that inevitably goes along with it.  I could use hair clippers myself, and I could not worry about cleaning up their hair lines, but I know that it's important.

At age 1, they each had their very first haircut.  Our barber was recommended to us by a wonderful women who works at our gym.  At first the boys would see him once a month, but now they are going every other week.  They look forward to going.  They even have a catchphrase with him.  What could take a grand total of 15 minutes takes more like 45 because they hang out and talk with the him and the other people in the barber shop.  They are becoming apart at that barber shop's community.  I love it.  And I say "they" because I don't go anymore, except on rare occasions.  It's become a father-son outing.

What I am involved in is Baxter's new venture into dreadlocked hair.  Or at least the very beginnings of dreadlocks.  We had our very first appointment last weekend, and so began the 6 month to year long process of locking his hair.  What an adventure this will be and I am super excited for it, although I'm a little paranoid that they might all come undone before they lock in for good.  We have another appointment next weekend to have them re-twisted and tightened.  So far, the hardest part is not getting his hair wet.



He did such a great job.  He did not like getting his hair shampooed and squirmed when certain areas were combed, but with a sucker and an iPad, the kid was pretty much golden.  And hopefully it will become easier and easier from here on out.

Celebrating Africa

The whole reason for our weekend getaway was to attend a party that our adoption agency hosts every year.  This was the first time we've ever attending, because this is the first year I thought the boys would really like going.  It's called Celebrating Africa and it is an entire afternoon listening to African music, eating ethnic food, making ethnic crafts and watching an African dance group.  

When we arrived there was a man and woman singing and playing drums as people mingled.  Atticus was immediately drawn to them both and just stood there watching them for so long.  After the majority of the guests had arrived, which was probably upwards of 150, the man and woman got out small drums and spent some time teaching the kids a song to sing and play on the drums.  The boys are still singing it on a daily basis.

Towards the end of the party, an African dance group was introduced and performed several different dancers, and once they were done, took the rest of the time to teach the children a welcome dance.  Unfortunately, the party took place right over nap time, so by the end of the event, both boys were pretty worn out and ready to head home.  

But one of the best parts of the entire party was seeing our agent again along with our Congolese lawyer, who was also the woman who escorted Baxter and Atticus home.  This was the first time any of us had seen her since that day at the airport over two years ago.  I won't lie, I teared up a bit upon seeing her.  She's just tied to so many emotional memories, it's hard not to get a little emotional.  It also was hard to not get emotional as I saw my kids play with so many other kids of the same heritage as them.  I definitely think that this is something that we are going to make an annual tradition.  It's just too important not to.

And if pictures aren't enough, Eric put together a little montage on his phone of our trip.

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

Where We're Living, and Why

Not everyone would choose to live in the city, but then again, not everyone would want to live outside it either.  For Eric and I, we were torn between the pros of each option.  Outside the city meant more of a yard, a tire swing, and tree forts.  Within the city meant friends close by, more diversity, and walking distance from almost anything.  Eric and I preferred living in the city, but knew the value of  living outside it, as we both grew up more in the country.

When we were considering moving, the area to which we wanted to move concerned us the most.  As a multi-racial family, there is a dynamic that many other families don't have the consider.  Being white parents of black children, we want to make diversity a common experience in our children's lives, but that isn't as readily available outside the city (at least where we live).  Conversely, we want to foster our children's imaginations and independence, which we felt like was a little more difficult with the restraints within a city.

This conversation was ongoing for months, even before we spoke with our realtor.  The more and more we talked about it, the more it seemed like we were going to have to give something up with the decision we made.  And then, we found our house.

Granted, it doesn't have the biggest yard we've ever seen, but it is one of the biggest yards we've ever seen in our city.  We might not have a great tire swing tree, but we have enough room for football or soccer or baseball field.  This house made it possible for us to live in a place where diversity is right outside our front door, and yard where imagination can flourish out the back.

For a long while, it seemed like an almost impossible decision.  Then we discovered that if you're lucky, you can find the best of both worlds.  And now that we've found it, I don't think we'll be giving it up anytime soon.

Answering the Questions Everyone Seems to Want to Know

This weekend we went to breakfast as a family.  While waiting for our table a woman started asking us questions about the boys, "are they twins?", "are they adopted?", "where are they adopted from?", etc.  Neither Eric nor I thought anything of it, because these are questions we can't go a day without being asked.  It's normal.

On our way out of the restaurant, I was asked by the hostess, who had heard our previous conversation, if I thought it was rude when people pried into our personal lives.  As an adoptive mom, I am an advocate for adoption and my children all the time.  Sometimes I don't feel like answering a bunch of questions, but just because I don't feel like answering doesn't mean the questions aren't going to be asked.

And even more important than being an advocate for adoption, I am teaching my children how to engage with people about their adoption.  If I am short and snappy with people who are curious, then my boys are going to learn to be short and snappy.  If I am courteous and gracious, then my boys will learn how to talk with people about their adoption in a positive and encouraging way.

I know this for a fact because even now, at just two years old, my boys can tell you that they aren't twins, but actually two month apart.  They hear me answer these questions so often that they are already learning the answers.

It can be a lot of work to always be cheerful and chipper when you answer these questions, and sometimes you can get person after person asking.  It means putting on a smile and being friendly when I'd rather just shrug it off and get my grocery shopping done, but it's worth knowing that when I'm not around, my boys are going to show others just how great adoption can be.

Celebrating Two Years

Last week was Atty's birthday, so we gathered our families to celebrate.  When asked how old he is, Atticus would respond with two, and then immediately ask about birthday cake.  The day before, the day of, the day after, even today, he still talks about birthday cake.

Atty received a duplo table and duplos from his grandparents.  As soon as he opened them, he couldn't be torn away.  All he wanted to do was build.

Baxter, on the other hand, was more interested in the box that the table came in.  He's currently in a phase where he likes to hide all of the time.

But the thing that trumped it all was Eric's gift.  He built a table with an amplifier and speakers so Atty could use music mixing apps on our iPad.  Everything is built right into the table.  It's been the only thing the boys want to do if we're inside.  Thankfully, the iPad is removable so it makes it pretty easy to limit how much they're on it.  I think he has won the coolest dad award, hands down.

Two

As of today, I officially have two 2-year olds.  For some reason, Baxter has always seemed a little older and Atty has always seemed like the baby.  And now, my baby is 2.  I seriously cannot handle how fast these boys are growing.

Atticus dunks his head completely underwater when he blows bubbles, will randomly break into song (usually Twinkle, Twinkle), loves music of all kinds, and has become particularly fond of a certain blanket.  He isn't totally articulate, although I have a good grasp of what he's saying most of the time, but quiz the kid in numbers or colors and you'll be blown away.  He is a bottomless pit when it comes to food and prefers fruits and vegetables over anything else.  The other day, I had to bribe him to finish his tuna casserole by offering more nectarines.  True story.  The swing is still his favorite thing to do at the park and would swing for hours at a time if we would let him.  He now can swing on any type of swing, no longer just the baby one.  It turns out that he is the stubborn one, and the one that is always trying to get his way.  He masks it well under big eyes and wide, adorable grin.  I am going to have to be ready, as he has already started to use this kind of superpower to his advantage.  He is cuddly and constantly asking to be held or given hugs, but there is a spark in his eyes that reminds me that he can also be quite devious.  He says "mommy" with a high inflection at the end, making is seem like he has an accent.

Then: December 2010

Now: July 2012

Baxter's Birthday

On Sunday afternoon we celebrated Baxter's 2nd birthday. His grandparents were there along with his aunts and uncles, including two aunts all the way from California.  It was a beautiful day, then it hailed, and then it was a beautiful day again.  He opened gifts, ate cake and ice cream, and swam in the pool.  A seriously fun day for a toddler, strictly saying based on his attitude all day.

Here's to my first successful 2 year old birthday party!  Now on to planning Atticus' in July.

Two Years Old

When asked how old he will be, he can answer you, "2 years old."  The fact that he can even understand the question and respond with the correct answer almost instantly sends tears to my eyes.

And that's how old he is today, 2.  No longer 23 months, he is now officially 2.  He offers full thoughts and sentences, climbs the jungle with the best of them, likes to share a blanket with his brother in the morning, likes to climb up on the stool to see what I am doing in the kitchen, loves helping feed Bella, loves basketball, and he loves his stuffed animal monkey, putting him on his shoulders just like how Eric and I do with him.  He is kind, sensitive and caring; adventurous, brave and daring.  He lights up when he sees his papa is home after work, he asks about playing basketball with Uncle John every single day, and lately has been calling Atty by his full name, Atticus Carver.

He is full of energy and emotion.  Sometimes it's hard to figure him out, and I know that will probably be just an element in our relationship, but his heart is sweet and loving.

The last year and a half have been the best of my life, and as we move further into toddlerhood, I can't help but expect it to get even better.

Happy Birthday Baxter, I love you!

Then

Now