Thursday, July 21, 2011

The Second Child

Have you ever heard people talk about how the second child gets less special treatment than the first?  I really thought that it wouldn't be a problem for me, because darn it, I wouldn't let it happen.  Well, I had my first experience with it this week, and it made me feel just awful.

When Baxter was about to turn one, I was almost in denial.  I could hardly believe it, but for Atticus, that shock wasn't there.  It was still pretty weird, him turning one, but the disbelief wasn't present.  And then there was Wednesday, when we celebrated his birthday with our families.  Now granted, I had to bring a bunch of food and load the kiddos and everything else up by myself, but I still should have been on top of it.  On top of what?  Oh, I forgot any sort of decoration (which I had for Baxter's birthday), and I even forgot our camera.  How could I forget that?!  Thankfully, my photographer father-in-law brought his and I will be getting copies of the photos he took.  But can you imagine if he hadn't brought his camera?  There wouldn't be a single photograph to capture Atticus' first birthday.  Man, even writing this makes me feel like such a lousy parent.

I want all of our children to feel special whether it's the first time something has happened or the fifth.  Every child should feel just as valued as the first, no matter what.  And it's our job as parents to make the effort needed to make each and every one of our children feel that way.  I know that as time goes on, things will take place that don't elicit as much excitement for us, but our kids shouldn't be able to tell.  The first day of kindergarten should be a huge deal, or the first t-ball game or the first sleepover, etc, etc.

So I can't let this incident get me down.  I just have to make even more of an effort in the future to give the same treatment to both boys as they experience new things and move into new stages.  I think this is why you also hear people talk about avoiding anything huge for your first, because you're going to have to do it for every kid that follows.


  1. You see, the important thing is not that you forgot stupid camera but that you are always aiming to be a good mum to both of them! At all times.

    It must be really crazy at times to look after 2 babies so close in age! Kudos to you.
    But I do understand where you are coming from, photos are important to me as well, no matter what ppl say, our memories fade and photos are such great way to keep memories alive! x

  2. @Sonishka
    Yes, it is crazy sometimes, and I do find myself forgetting things more and more when it's just me and the kiddos. But I am trying to focus on the most important stuff and let the lesser priorities take a back seat.

  3. i've been a parent a bit longer than you... i've only been a parent of 2 for 3 years but i've gotten to the point where i shrug my shoulders and learn to let it go.... i used to beat my self up over these things but it's going to happen a lot more often than you want it to. sometimes you just have to learn to roll with the punches. as long as you have a good imagination to make up for what your missing and a camera phone it'll turn out alright ;)

  4. @Betty
    Tanks Betty, you're totally right. I am hoping to find a balance between letting things roll off and not becoming too lax about important things. It's tough, and I'm always learning, which I assume isn't going to change any time soon :)